I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have already put on my inside pants.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
