I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How many fucks given?
0.12846
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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