I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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