Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
