I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
