i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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