Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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