playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
