that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
