At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
