just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
