If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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