You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize