her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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