He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
