I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My cat gives me a boner
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
