i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
