Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sorry about my life...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
