she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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