Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
