Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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