when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
