I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
