happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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