Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
