I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize