Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
