matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize