just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
