this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
