Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
