her vagina looked like bernie madoff
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
