i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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