I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
