Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
