i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize