After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
