I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
