So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
