I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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