Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
