I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
