If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
