I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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