You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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