Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
