I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
