So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize