I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
