Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
