My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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