Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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