I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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