He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
