bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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