hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
