I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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