fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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