Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize