she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
