think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize