I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
