it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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