True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
