I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
