i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
