my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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