he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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