I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
