Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
