Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
