So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
