I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
