the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
