WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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