saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
