Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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