it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
