New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize