You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
