Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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