I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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