well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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