things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
