I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
