summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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