I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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